Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
