This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Randomize
