That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
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me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
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Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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