ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
