just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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