This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
