I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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