Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
