Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You ruined the universe
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
