things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
