what day is it and did you see me today?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
