So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
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the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
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i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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