At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
