I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
