the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
