I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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