She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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