you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
