ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
