the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
