Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
