I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
