I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
