I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
