Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
