Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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