D3 body, D1 cock
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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