loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
