I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
4 words: hood of his car
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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