My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
