I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
