Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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