I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
