The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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