I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she was so not down for the gang bang
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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