you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I need to stop coming to work sober
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
