My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
