so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
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I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
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Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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