somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
