i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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