Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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