i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
