who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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