remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
