Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize