please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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