Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
