I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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