haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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