Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
