At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
do herpes really smell.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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