So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I need to align my fucking chakras
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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