my phone needs a breathalizer
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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