are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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