Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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