i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
