So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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