I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
