awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize