Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Can you bring me the toilet please
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
