doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
