I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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