i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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