Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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