Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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