You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
