Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
