he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
