A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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