My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
